BDSM Dating Advices

Consider this your master guide to BDSM dating

50 Shades of Gray in a Mistress point of view.

Aug 192019

When the BDSM movie 50 Shades of Gray was on the theaters and everyone was talking about it, I decided to watch it. I understood why people thought it was exciting and it was because it was new and different. But for a Mistress like myself, that has been into a D/s relationship for many years, it could not be further from reality.

 

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A Good Master is the man that communicates, listens, cares, and teaches the submissive. He doesn't impose, hurts, buys, threats and pushes boundaries whenever he feels like it, as in the movie.

In my point of view, Master Gray was more of a traumatized guy that wanted to hurt someone as a relief of his own frustrations. So he finds this poor naive girl that has nothing; no money, no personality, and no life to play with.

Yes, that's a good combination for a D/s relationship, a combination made in heaven; but only if you know how to handle it. But everything happened so fast, he did not teach her anything, he just kept pushing and pushing until he scared her away and when that happened, he starts begging for her to stay.

Nothing made sense to me. Cero communication; he didn't even explain to her what she was getting into. She was astonished by this charming millionaire that was gifting her with everything she would have ever dreamed of and fell for him. She even signed a contract in which she was giving him permission to do with her mind and body anything he wanted.

That's not how it works at all, they missed the essence of it...TRUST!!! And building Trust takes TIME!

The whole movie was based in errors that some Masters and Mistresses make when we are learning about this lifestyle. I will use myself as an example: I always knew I was the Dominant kind of Woman, so vanilla relationships would bore me to death. When I finally decided to do something about it, I read a lot and also watched many videos about BDSM, D/s, fetishes, kinks, etc. I did that for months and I was incredibly excited because finally I have found what I really wanted.

When I thought I was prepared I found my first submissive man, and what did I do? Just as Mister Gray did. I didn't communicate enough, I didn't care as I should, I pushed boundaries too soon, I hurt and scared him away.

As you can see, it's a process that takes time if you really want to have a long lasting D/s relationship.

A Master just like a Mistress need to be open to listening to their subs. You have to teach not impose, and patience from both sides is extremely important; that's how Trust is built! Boundaries are to be respected, there is a safe word for a reason. Do not push too hard, take small steps or the relationship will fail as mine did and as Mr. Gray's did.

For someone that is vanilla and has no idea about BDSM, it might be a good movie; but for people that belong to a BDSM lifestyle like me, it is not because we do understand the intention of it. 

 

 

The meaning of being collared by your Master.

Aug 072019

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Being collared by your Master is the one item that is the most important. The collar has great value to a submissive and a pride to her Master., by wearing it you will show your level of commitment and the power of your offering. It is a reminder to you of the strength and ownership your Master has and a reinforcement of your identity as his.

Others will know that you are already owned and you are not anymore your own person. It shows the power of the relationship you have, and undeniable bond between you and your Master.

To start, many Masters choose a common dog collar. If it is possible, ask your Master if you may go with him to buy it. The trip to the pet shop to get it, and trying it on in public, is one of the most intense and sexually arousing moments a Master and slave can have early in the process.

Putting that collar around your neck and buckling it around your neck is an important initiation for you as a submissive.

Your Master will also gift you with a “symbolic collar” to wear in public so the vanilla world won’t be aware of your status. You will be wearing it always; to work, around family and friends and you will never take it off, until the moment you can wear the pet collar he wants you to use when with him.

Usually the public collar is a necklace (sometimes bracelet) with a lock, heart or other meaningful symbol of your submission. Wear it proudly and enjoy the connection to your Master at all times.

Once you are collared, your submission will be total, he chose you for a reason. Your Master now owns you and you belong to him completelly.

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Jul 252019

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The importance of Gratitude in a D/s relationship.

Jul 192019

undefinedSubmission is a change in life that not only changes the way you dress, act and relate to each other. It truly shifts your life viewpoint in the long term.

 

One of the greatest gifts your Master will be giving you as a submissive/slave is the teaching of gratitude. You will become thankful for the smallest things and the largest surprises.

You are no longer going to take stuff for granted and you are not going to have a list of expectations, but you will learn to be grateful for everything that’s given to you. Submission is in many respects the ideal antidote to our selfish social culture.

Be grateful for everything that gets you through the day with your submission. If you are given tasks by the Master, thank him for the privilege of serving him.

Activity provides you the opportunity to add to your time a range. Once you've been sitting at his feet for most of the evening looking off in the distance, a opportunity to get up, get him some tea or do the dishes will be like heaven.

More than that, being thankful for the tasks he assigns you is a way of acknowledging to him that his pleasure is your pleasure and you love to meet his needs.

Pay attention; If your Master gives you permission to eat, enjoy intimacy, leave the room, etc., you will always say,“Thank you, Master.” You do not thank your Master only for the good things, but for the harsh things as well, this is exactly what’s expected from you!

To learn and to grow takes time, energy and patience from your Master. Punishment and correction will be involved. He will decide the best way to do it; just keep in mind, it is equally exhausting and challenging for both of you.

Thank him for his spankings, his corrections, his lectures and for giving you another chance to learn. The more you thank your Master for the punishments and guidance he gives you, the more firmly entrenched in his love and power you will become.

Developing a heart complete of appreciation is one of the best in all the ways you develop in grace through your practice.

The proper way to talk to your Master.

Jul 162019

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Some subs think that by staying quiet, they would stay out of trouble with their Masters. It may work sometimes but there are occasions where the Master wants an opinion or want to exchange some ideas.
Keep in mind that Communication is very important in a D/s relationship, so listen and learn from him.

Just as the proper words enables you to reframe the manner you know yourself and the world around you, it also enables you to appreciate and flourish in your position by using the appropriate form of language.

A sub should never use language expressing personal power, status equality, or manipulating a situation unfairly. Phrases such as “I want”, “I think”, I need should never been used. Instead you should say “I would like”, “I think we should”.

Remember, when your Master asks for your opinion, it is a gift to you and you should respond with gratitude.

As such, a sub should never willingly or in any scenario use foul language. The speech of a sub should be simple, demeaning and reflecting a disciplined nature and language.

Your Master may soap your mouth or devise another penalty for you if your language represents bad deportation or provides you with more authority than is suitable.

Only if your Master asks you to talk dirty to him, or repeat phrases such as “I am your slut” or “I am your fuck toy, I was made to be fucked by you,” then obviously it is alright to do so.

However, in everyday communication the classier a slave keeps her language, the better for her and her Master.

Master/submissive Commitment

Jul 152019

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Most people think of BDSM as just sex and spankings and it blows my mind how far from reality this can be. It goes much deeper than physical and sexual. In fact, the deepest you get into a Dom/sub relationship, you will find out it has nothing to do with sex at all.

Trust, obedience, service, and connection are the elements that make it a practice of the soul. As a Master, you will want to expand your submissive’s limits and edges but realizing that it can’t be forced. You must really listen to your sub, reach deep into the core of the psyche.

As the Master’s submissive, you have great value to him, and he is worth much to you. The experience of having a woman open herself so fully, without hesitation, changes his inner nature, making him strong and loving at the same time.

If he is a good Master, he will teach you and give you the confidence of wanting to give and not take, to serve and not demand, to trust and not fear, to share and not hide anything from him.

When you bow before him, wearing his collar as a signal to the entire world that you belong to this man – not because you were forced but because you want to bring him great honor. That’s when the real commitment starts.

Never underestimate the power of giving pleasure, but mean what you are doing all the way. You are one now, and making him happy should fulfill you with joy. As a joined couple, Master and sub, you create a new entity; a reality which requires both of you for it to exist.

Remember, you are the one making your Master ¨Complete¨. He can’t take you for granted; if he chose you is because you are giving him what no one else in the world could and in his eyes you have great value. Likewise, his training, his love, his security, and his strength complete you also. As such, you will learn to regard yourself as the Master’s treasure and he yours. When you see each other in this way, the soul joining that occurs makes your relationship rare and beautiful.

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